Banana Bread

I just baked banana bread. And I'm wearing yellow. Don't know if there is any correlation, but they both make me happy.
The folks are out of town for a week, the broder went out for the night, I'm home alone, and it's the night before the start of week 2 of treatment.
This would be a good night for reflection. The last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind, I feel like I have yet to wrap my head around it. But maybe I just need to decompress.
Aside from finding out about my brain invaders, starting a totally new intensive treatment, trying to not think about grad school, which up until a few weeks ago was ALL I thought about, adjusting to my vision limitations, I have also moved my horse, given away my turtles, and am currently making arrangements for my chinchilla.
Those who know me would not be surprised to know that I have a bit of a zoo. Leo, Mica, Rico, Mia, and Lola. The turtles I had for 5 years, I raised them from silver dollar sized hatchlings. They weren't affectionate, or even very good company, but I liked them.
When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was desperate for a fuzzy companion. It went against many of my principles of pet owning, buying from Petco, keeping a caged critter, one that is primarily bred for pelts, and may have even come from a ranch that raises them for both. I didn't think about any of that, I wanted a little friend to love me unconditionally. And that was Rico.
And then I found out that you aren't even supposed to be around pets, especially the rodent variety, during chemotherapy, due to lowered white blood cell counts, and possibilities for infection. I took my chances with my first round of chemo, and came out ok, but I met with my doc the other day to discuss my future treatments, and I may not fair so well next time. I was told she will most likely be putting me on the oldest form of chemo there is, which is also the harshest. She said, " You will be like the classic idea of a cancer patient on this treatment." I appreciate her honesty. So Rico will need to go.
That will also mean being unable to spend much time with my horse, for the same reason. The horse, Mia, has been a sore subject at some times. No one wanted me to get the horse. My orthopedic surgeon could have killed me dead when I told him, a few months after my back surgery, that I bought a horse... and had every intention of riding her. She was also used as a scapegoat in ending a relationship/friendship, though I know she's not the real reason, because truthfully, I would have sent Mia to the glue factory if it meant that relationship could have worked.
I wanted a horse of my own before I died. My life plan was always to live the life of a theatre artist, and when I retired own a horse and a garden, and it wasn't looking like I was going to make it to retirement. So now I have Mia... and a garden.
She's gone to live with a friend for now while the pastures are filled with Spring grass, and she can be with other horses. I rode her yesterday. It was nice.
You might think I learned my lesson with the chin, and the horse, but nope. Next came Lola. My parents had expressed an interest in getting a dog, and I jumped on this. There are no regrets. Lola is the closest thing I will ever come to having a child, and she is my pride and joy. There is no loyalty like that of a dog. She makes me smile countless times a day.
Time for reflection. All this change has me a little sad, and though I know the animals which have left or are leaving will be going to loving homes, I can't help but feel that I have let them down in some way. It will pass, and it is all for the best. I know this because I did not actively seek out any of these arrangements. Through a number of animal loving friends, which I cannot thank enough, this all just happened. And despite all that has happened lately that could have jaded me, and made me believe that all is senseless and even cruel, I still do believe that things have a natural way of working themselves out, when it is right.