A Letter to My Sister

Hey Morgan,

Well so far there's nothing wrong with my appendix, so don't go making deals with the devil just yet, especially not over an organ that seems to have no real purpose anyway!

So I'm confused? You speak of your disgust with the system, all the while eating a brownie, which you say you don't deserve, but that you didn't break any laws?

I'm not asking you to defend yourself to me, but in reading your letter to the boy ( I hope you don't mind, and I will save it for him) you used the metaphor of: there are those, such as yourself, that keep their colors of life's playdough colorful, and those, the majority, who mix it up till it's just grey (sorry to inform you, the boy got playdough for easter, and likes nothing more than to mix them all together).

I myself take offense to that. Not just as an artist, but as a strong willed individual, with a degree of disdain for "The Man" myself. However, I have never found myself in your situation, nor do I feel like I am just a sheep in a flock of nameless drones. What I have felt is frustration, anger, and sadness at times, because it doesn't always seem fair, but when millions of people live in a society there is an unavoidable amount of conformity that is required to keep the "peace". And it is up to us as individuals to find constructive ways to conform with integrity. That could be with art, or music, nature, or trying to make a change in this world with advocacy and activism...which are far more powerful approaches than flat out rebellion out of spite.

And I know you have the talent and the passion to do whatever it is you set out to do, but I'm led to believe, due to your current circumstance, that this has nothing to do with not wanting to mix your playdough.

I'm not going to go into what I think about the situation you've landed yourself in. But I do want to say there are circumstances surrounding it that have me angry with you. I don't have to tell you that I'm not close to dad, but the fact that you took him on as his caregiver, and he had to be lawfully removed by APS, and placed in a facility in Stockton, where no one he knows can visit him, greatly upsets me. Again, I know both you and dad feel that APS is just another watchdog of the man, hell-bent on interfering in peoples' lives. Well, your right. But it is exactly for this reason. The situation you put dad in was unacceptable, and something needed to be done, before you ended up in jail, not for whatever it is you're in there for now, but for abuse, neglect, or even involuntary manslaughter.

I don't believe in Karma anymore, and this may sound fucked-up, but I do believe that, in a way, dad has brought this upon himself, partly by allowing you, when you were younger, to be the rebellious individual that you are, and not disciplining you, as a parent should.

And while we are on the topic of parental resentment, I know you resent mom, and that is how you feel, probably more so than I resent dad. But if you cannot see the potential for the boy being "brainwashed" by his father, much like I believe you were "brainwashed" by yours, to resent his mother, and therefore leading him to not want to have anything to do with you, just like you don't want to have anything to do with your mother...well, I'll have to contradict my previous statement about Karma, and say, "What goes around, comes around."

My only, unsolicited suggestion, is to suck it up, get your shit together, so that your son at least has the option of making his own mind up about wanting to see you in the future, rather than confirming everything his father tells him by being in jail, or homeless, or dead in a fucking gutter.

Ok, I'm done lecturing. If this made you angry, or feel that I am against you, it was not my intention, just the opposite. I think about you everyday. I miss the sound of your laugh, and your smile, and the most natural, spiritual connection I've ever felt with another human being. And it's just not because we are sisters. It is far more transcendental than that, we are soul mates.

I love you.

Kourtney