I'm in a funk. Partly due to the the amazing weekend I had visiting with friends that I hadn't seen in a very long time, and now they are gone, and I am sad. But also because I've started to feel some side effects from my treatment. I really shouldn't be complaining that, so far, the worst feeling I've had from this treatment I choose to describe as "funky". I'm mean, it could obviously be a lot worse. I guess I would elaborate by saying, I feel like I'm wearing my body, and it's uncomfortable, and I want to take it off, but I can't.

And I'm not even sure what it is? They gave me the info sheets for the chemo drugs, and they list some common side effects, and this feeling isn't on there. And then I think about the fact that I just finished radiation, and though I hardly had any side effects from that, maybe now that I'm on chemo, it's combining, and that's what I'm feeling? Or maybe it's a side effect of one of the many medications I'm taking to counter act the side effects of the treatments I'm on? Or is it my actual illness? How do I know? I try to listen to my body, but there's so much in there, all talking at once, I don't know who's saying what?

And then, I can't stop eating. I mentioned this before, when I first started the steroids, but I've been tapering off the steroids, and my appetite hasn't really decreased. That makes me wonder if it's some kind of depression that I'm failing to recognize, and I'm filling a void with food? But it's not like I just sit on the couch with a can of spray cheeze and ritz, and mindlessly stuff my face. I have cravings, for really delicious wholesome food, and then I cook, and sit down, and enjoy them. So then I think, maybe it's one of those cancer revelations. Like, food is one of the joys in life that I should be endulging in, and damn it, I'm gonna! But it kinda feels like the munchies, so I don't think it's just that, maybe just the part where I don't want to waste a good meal on something blah. Gourmet munchies. Again, not really something to complain about, but still has me feeling... funky.